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I
am fortunate to be among family and friends who have chosen to
homebirth their children. Birthing naturally, at home, is considered
‘normal’. Electing a homebirth to us is not a radical
alternative, and its not considered to be taking a risk. Indeed,
it is the most empowering way to make the transition into motherhood.
So when I became pregnant, there was no question of us finding
a midwife to guide my husband Ashley and I through this mysterious
transmutation. We live in the south west of Australia, in Margaret
River. I’d met the midwife that rode a Ducatti Motorcycle
to attend births…I’d seen him zooming in and out of
Margarets in a baby blue convertible VW Beetle with ‘Community
Midwife’ painted on the doors. I had heard only the loveliest
of reports about him…but he was a man! And this is women’s
business! I met with a midwife from Fremantle, who tried to commit
to me, but our arrangement fell through. I had to call him, check
him out. If I wasn’t comfortable, there was always the hospital…
We
were out at the chook house when Pete the Midwife arrived to meet
us. We were pretty new to chooks, Ash and me. Within minutes Pete
was examining the girls for lice and mange, and schooling us on
the preferred feed and conditions. That’s cool. He admired
my vegie garden on the way into the house…mmm, he grows
his own veges too, very cool. We drank tea and probably ate cake
(I can’t remember if we did that day, but we certainly make
a point of it most times he visits). I wondered if I could overlook
the man thing?
To be honest, by this time, I was convinced I would try to be
at home for the birth of Jahnu — I just needed a facilitator!
I guess I most liked Pete’s ‘no worries’ approach
to childbirth, he really made it very clear that he’d seen
many births and believed strongly in a woman’s ability to
birth normally. He reminded me that we are designed for it! Ash
said from the beginning that being a man, Pete would have to work
even harder at midwifery, which is predominately women’s
work.
As the time drew closer to the birth of Jahnu, Pete and I met
once a week and spoke on the phone many times. He began giving
me his weekly work rosters, and telling me when was preferably
not a good time to go into labour! I assured him that I would
definitely go into labour at one of these times! I think he was
at a nurse’s convention that day the day I started my labour,
three hours away from me! Ah, but there was plenty of time. We
laboured long and slow little Jahnu and I; it was a very beautiful
time for Ash and my sister Kath and me. We planted in our garden
and played drums around the outside fire in the winter sun. Kath
cooked us up a big feed of minestrone soup, and we hit the beach
just before sunset for a stroll and a refresh and a little purge
of fear and anticipation as the contractions became stronger.
Back at home and Pete was almost with us, zooming down the highway
in his old Mercedes Benz (with ‘Community Midwife’
painted on the doors, checking in with us regularly via mobile
phone.
We had the bath set up, the portable birthing bath that floats
around between Busselton, at Pete’s place, to as far reaching
as Manjimup to the south and Balingup to the east, aiding home-birthing
women. We lined it with soft sheets and filled it with warm water
laced with essential oils and flower heads from the garden. Kath
and I prepared the altar, we adorned it with candles and a portrait
of my Serbian Grandmother and Great Grandmother and my Dad, and
a picture of my Mum. I looked into their faces throughout the
labouring night. They gave me courage and reminded me of my place
in the order of our people. It was exciting to be so close to
meeting another relative! I began to move inside myself as my
body contracted, maneuvering my baby to begin his journey through
the birth canal. That was just the beginning; there was a long
night ahead! Pete arrived and pretty much hit the couch for some
sleep after his long drive. Ash and I were left to negotiate the
miles, to anticipate the destination and to make it through the
next rush. It was at times the most exhilarating and intense experience
of my life. The contractions were endless and the time kept ticking
away, hour after hour; its only pain, its only pain, its only
pain. It is quite astonishing how much work one has to do to have
a baby. This was a very intimate time for Ash and me and it was
lovely not to be constantly having ‘internal examinations’
being done — it adds so much pressure.
I spent most of the night in our little yoga room, a space I had
spent many hours in practicing yoga during my pregnancy. It was
perfect to be there, at this time, practicing one of the hardest
postures in life! Kath came in and she sang to me, soft and sweet,
“the river is flowing, flowing, flowing, the river is flowing
down to the sea…”
The first time Pete said anything to me, apart from on arrival,
and the odd verbal check up, was after midnight; I had been in
the bath for several hours I think. He very gently, very quietly,
said “Why don’t you get out of the bath for a while?”
Oh yeah. I eyed him off from wherever I was, realizing how out
of the world I’d been. Yeah okay, lets get out for a while.
Why not? Some time later Pete reappeared into my vision saying
with a smile “Why don’t you go and have a lie down
on the bed with Ash? Have a little rest.”
Rest! How the hell can I rest whilst I’m doing this? The
man must be mad! Ashley was heading in the direction of the bedroom
already, he was in desperate need for some shuteye, so…I
either go it alone out here, or follow him. Pete and Kath helped
me to bed. It was 3 am. An hour later I realized that I had been
dozing! Unbelievable! But I was over dozing and woke Ash up to
help me to the next stage. Pete directed us into the shower. Oh
the warm waters falling like the cleansing rain! The fire was
stoked up, Jahnu’s birthplace was prepared with blankets
and sheets and pillows and a lovely soft light to push by with
all my might…
For more than two hours, my midwife directed me to various positions,
watched the crowning head and waited for each new contraction
with instructions: you will feel this, don’t cry out! Keep
the energy for the push! He encouraged me, shouted at me (pleasantly),
and eventually he ‘delivered’ my baby to me, perfect
and miraculous in my arms. Pete hates that ‘delivered’
thing, saying always that a woman delivers her own baby. That
clear winter morning, as the Kookaburras began to call and the
sun drifted sleepily through the trees at our home on Windihill,
my midwife delivered my baby to me. My sister cheered me on and
my gorgeous husband made wisecracks (appropriately) and took pictures
while supporting a foot and holding a hand! Pete got us there
though, without him, despite all the instinct of nature I believe
that I have, I can’t even imagine how it would have been.
So there we were, Kath and Ash and me and Jahnu all collapsed
in a heap of tears and fluids and blood, and I looked up at Pete
standing by the fire with a look on his face…. it was something
between satisfaction and wonder.
I realized that each birth for him is unique and precious. He
had nappies warming on the fireplace and in time we covered the
littlest one in them. I was elated and exhausted and feeling extremely
proud of myself! My parents arrived and mum showered me and washed
my hair. It was a relief to feel painless at last! Ash remembered
the hens, and went to let them out and collect breakfast for everyone.
The sun came out that day, it stayed clear and warm for four days
after and I know it was a gift from the Gods to clever old me!
Six weeks later, Pete was visiting us for the last time. Those
long, lovely mornings we spent all together in the first week
of Jahnu’s life were already just a memory. Pete stayed
with us for hours, talking babies and fruit trees and bio-diesel
(he wanted to convert the Merc to bio-diesel). He lay on the couch
with the baby on his chest, hands behind his head, talking Italy
and relationships and town planning. We would miss these regular
chat times! Three months later I discovered I was with child again…
“Pete!”
“Ange! How are you?”
“Hey Pete? Do any deals on two births for the price of one,
friend?”
There is no funding for the Community Midwifery Program here in
the southwest. Pete’s been the one independent midwife campaigning
for it for several years now. ‘Birth Choices’ groups
have popped up all over the place informing women they can choose
midwifery care and a midwife, and be at home or in hospital. Therefore
we pay for the privilege of birthing at home, an investment we
feel is an invaluable beginning for our children.
The tenth of September dawned a beautiful day. I was wearing a
golden yellow top and a few people I met that day told me I was
glowing like a big round sun! That was my little sun goddess Raa!
She glowed so brightly; everyone saw her spirit in me! I shopped
like a nesting woman; making it around to all the stores I needed
to top up the bulk food jars and stock up the freezer. In one
store, I pulled an Angel Card from a deck that sat on the counter.
It said “Today, Celebrate the Gift of Life.” Oooh!
That freaked everyone out! Better get home!
During one of our antenatal sessions, Pete and Ash and I discussed
a bit about what to do if Pete was held up at work when we needed
him. He tuned us in on what to do and what not to worry about
doing if we found ourselves at home alone and were comfortable
not going to hospital. He said to get him on the mobile for guidance.
He said if the baby is coming quickly, try to slow it down, don’t
push, and blow it off. Don’t worry about the cord; he would
be there by then. It was lucky he did that. We didn’t have
that discussion before Jahnu was born!
I would never have believed that two births within 13 months of
each other could be so different! At 9.30pm that night I felt
a powerful sensation in my belly. It made me empty my bowels completely,
and it made Ash call Pete the midwife directly! An hour later
we called him again, he was on his way. Ash rang Kath and told
her we were on, but to get some sleep, he would call her at 2am
for an update. All of a sudden the contractions were a minute
and a half apart. Then I got that crazy opening feeling! I said
“Ash, whats happening?” We were in our candle lit
bedroom, so he grabbed the torch…he said “you better
open your legs babe! The baby’s coming!”
We quickly moved me to a couple of Yoga mats, no time to go for
the neatly cleaned and stacked pile of birthing blankets, sheets
and towels I had prepared in the outside laundry. Oohh, I wanted
to push! I puffed instead, sounding like some kind of exotic bird!
Ash watched as my waters, still in their sac, manifested into
eyes and ears. His babe was eying him from her bubble! Thirty
minutes later I rang Kath myself, heralding the birth of our daughter!
She was born in her watery sac, she rode in on the barrel her
papa had ridden in the surf earlier that day. I was visualizing
the ‘green room’, an envelope of ocean around my baby,
the roar of the water, with ease and speed she was gliding through
the barrel into my arms. What an incredible moment for us! It
was 5 to midnight; all was peaceful in the house.
Pete arrived 20 minutes later. He was all Italian arms and exclamation
and gesture, I think he was in shock! Two hours later the lights
were out, we were in bed, Pete was on the couch and we slept a
while, lightly but soundly.
Pete the Midwife has been at the births of the five babes born
into my family in the last four years! Needless to say, he is
a large and very special part of our family. He not only knows
we girls intimately, he is friends with our husbands, he has experienced
our parents and friends who are inevitably around when he visits
us pre and post natal, and he has an understanding of the politics
of our family which ultimately affects our launch into parenthood.
He not only takes care of us physiologically, he is respectfully
concerned with our emotional state of being and offers support
and understanding on a professional and a personal level. He plays
with our other children, taking care always to acknowledge them
and remind us of their part in the changing dynamics of our family.
Back to that thoughtful challenge Pete left me to contemplate.
When Jahnu and Raania blessed us with their sweet and simple births,
Ash and I were awe-inspired and ecstatic. We could always feel
the nature of things; now we can feel ourselves as a part of the
nature of things. Those moments after the birth of ones own child…is
a time when all the sound in the world resonates one crystal clear
note that consumes all space in total silence. It is a most intense
and uplifting time. I don’t think I can define it Pete;
for once I can’t find the words.
When our Midwife entered our lives, he gave me the choices and
the confidence to prepare for a peaceful and inspiring birth experience,
twice! Through these experiences I am empowered in my new challenges
as a mother. I believe the transition from Maiden to Mother is
positively encouraged by the incredible experience of childbirth
naturally. The peaceful arrival of our babies into the world is
the most valuable gift we as parents could ever give them. |